i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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