She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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