So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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