theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
