haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
