the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
