This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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