respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
