Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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