I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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