you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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