please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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