And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
