Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
