I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dick very happy bro
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
