well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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