is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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