Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Are we still banned from the library?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
