I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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