i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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