he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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