i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
