The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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