omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
