actually, I'm a sock model
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
