just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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