I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
