I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
