Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
