we have pet lesbian snakes
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
