I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
