I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
