Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
