hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
