Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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