My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
