I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
