I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
