when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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