She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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