i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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