Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
