And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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