woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
