Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
