He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
