oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
