i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
