Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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