Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
