I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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