i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
