Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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